A lot of loose plans have formulated in my brain -- I've committed myself to hiking the John Muir Trail next year around August, then likely taking a week off then hitting up Burning Man. My original idea was to take this time off from work, but now I'm not so sure.

Ideally, to become a river rafting guide, I would take guide school in the spring (likely around March). There exists one week to four week classes, and unfortunately, if I kept with my plan to work until hiking the JMT, I would have to wait another six months past the JMT trip to take rafting guide school. And then it hit me... what if I was able to take guide school in the southern hemisphere? Hike the JMT, hit up Burning Man, take a few weeks off, then off to New Zealand, take the guide school and try to establish work down there for the winter (or summer, as it would be!).

There are obviously a lot of hurdles -- a) Have to follow through with my plans, b) Have to save enough money first to make this possible, c) Have to be -accepted- into a guide school (probably no small feat since I'm a foreigner!), d) Have to convince my family and friends that I'm not actually insane.

In any case, these thoughts are keeping me buoyant and cheerful today. Nothing like having a semi-plan to keep myself motivated, right?

I spent yesterday rafting, and I was so envious of our guide: she spends the summer as a rafting guide (an absolutely insane, exhausting, and awesome looking job), saving money by camping and not partying like the other guides, then spends the winters traveling the world. She had spent the last winter running around Australia; this winter, a road trip up and down the west coast of the United States with a friends; she's been in New Zealand, Costa Rica, hostelling in Europe... wow.

I really don't think I can last more than another year with a 9-5 job in front of a computer.

I've mentioned this to a few friend and gotten a lot of protests. "But you won't be able to save for retirement!" "Camping will be fun, but for so long without a bed?" "What if you get in trouble?" But I feel like I have to do this, I need to do this. I posted a cryptic tweet the other day, and I meant what I said -- that if I was not doing today (or doing generally) what I would be most proud of if I was to die tomorrow (and I know people who have died from cancer, I've known people who have died suddenly in car crashes -- it happens, people) that I needed to take steps to change my life. A lot of what I'm doing right now is achieving that: hiking, biking, being active, being strong. I have drastically changed the direction of my social life, but I haven't changed the direction of my working life... and I'd like to get over my fears, be spontaneous and run around the world.

I'm still planning on accomplishing everything on this list. I just need to do things now rather than later. Plan for things now, and make sure I follow through. Especially since I'll likely be doing this alone (very easy to put things off when you don't have a partner in crime -- it's safer to travel with someone, but I highly doubt I'll find anyone else planning on doing what I am doing, at least within a year).

Support me? Live vicariously through me? Remind me in a year, when I get fat and lazy again, that I'm young and not getting any younger?

I want to lead a life of adventure, of traveling, of discovering and exploring. I want to be amazed and awed. I want to change the world in small ways, and in large ways if I can. I want to be the best person I can be, and live my life to its fullest. And hope I don't forget this.

This blog and this recent life change were both prompted by the subject of happiness -- what happiness is, what would bring me happiness, and how I can position myself to be happier.

Often people attempt to live their lives backwards; they try to have more things, or more money, in order to do more of what they want, so they will be happier. The way it actually works is the reverse. You must first be who you really are, then do what you need to do, in order to have what you want. ~Margaret Young

Finding out who you are is the hardest, because people so often try to position themselves as something they aren't; position themselves to be who they want to be.

While I'm not exactly sure of whom I am, there are times where I feel completely content; completely happy. And they aren't quantifiable or happen every time in every situation (like someone saying, "I'm happy with my friends.") - it's the feeling, that rare feeling of contentment.

For example, this video: I've watched this video many, many times since I first received it. Not only because the song is great for what I going though (uplifting, sweet), the feeling behind the video makes me happy. Perhaps it's because it deals with dreams, and my own dreams are usually running/jumping/exciting/exploring/seeing/doing/wonderful feeling types of dreams.

There are certain times when I feel this special type of enjoyment in "real life" and it always focuses on the present -- no worrying about the past or the future. Hanging out with friends, late nights, long conversations. Alone in a car, driving fast with loud music (which I've always wanted to experience with another person in the car but never have). Walking in the rain. Reaching the top of a mountain.

Hopefully the choices that I make from now will lead me into more of these experiences and feelings of "perfect contentment". What I do know, that while spending some nights at home "resting" is important, that the last seven years of my life has gone by in a flash without much accomplished and the next seven will do so as well. Changing what path I'm on at the moment will hopefully lead myself in a better direction.

Here's to contentment.

This is halfway because of safety reasons - hey, you never know what's going to happen, and it might be nice to have a little bit of muscle memory to aid me if I ever need to use a gun.

I also have a big appreciation for action movies and hot-damn, I want to at least feel kick-ass. You know, shoot a shot-gun and all at the rampaging zombie hordes ("chick-chick BOOM... chick chick BOOM").

I don't anticipate this being hard to complete, but when you've wanted to go get lessons at a gun range for five years (or more), it's time to actually start doing something about it.

A friend of mine is organizing a backpacking trip to Mt. Shasta, which happens to be 14,179 feet (thus completing my requirement of 14,000+ feet). And man, it's going to be grueling: according to my friend's post on the subject:

1. It has an elevation gain of 7,259 ft, and...
2. a total trail distance of around 6 miles (1,000+ vertical feet per mile!)
3. We'll be camping on a glacier (hello, brr)
4. We'll be beginning the attempt for the summit between midnight and 3am
5. Then, slide on our butts the entire way down! Seriously, it's apparently called glissading.

If I'm going to attempt this in May, I have to start working out now. Which is already beginning - I undertook a grueling hike up Mt. Diablo this last Sunday, and while the trail was only deemed "moderate" on bahiker.com, the hike totally kicked my butt with only 1,300 feet of elevation change.

Specific steps to complete this goal:

1. I should spend at least one day (and probably two) devoted to upping my leg strength... meaning I should find local bleachers and start running them (hey, this will help the goal #41: Achieve a healthy BMI).
2. I shouldn't forget my upper body strength and core strength, so spending some time at the gym or at home working on crunches/pushups should help.
3. Last, spend a weekend day on a long hike, preferably strenuous and lasting several hours.

I've already started working on the weekend hikes, and while carving out a weekday hour for exercise is actually a little tough (okay, backtrack, I just need to make the effort to make an hour... I, seriously, am just being lazy here). So, Thursday (1/15/09), I'll make the effort to find bleachers and spend some time running up and down them.

A bit harder than it sounds; I haven't drawn, seriously, since second year of college, quite a few years ago. While I studied Art and Design, I took the specific concentration of Graphic Design and as soon as the typography classes rolled in, art for arts sake took a backseat (and relegated only to doodles).

I decided to actually take a stab at something serious (and tough), and was rather pleased with the results:

Definitely unfinished, but it's a start, right? I'm more comfortable drawing, and will probably continue with the medium-tone paper because I love the pop of the white for highlights.

Yay! Progress!

Next year will be different.

Things I hope to achieve (off of my list) in 2009:

• #1: Climb a mountain. This should be fairly easy... I just have to get into enough physical shape to do it.
• #2: Skydive. I already have a certificate in my wallet to let me go whenever I want -- I just need to get someone else to go with me (and get over my fear in the process).
• #12: Sell a piece of art. I've started drawing again and could make an Etsy page to sell stuff on.
• #13: Become proficient in a martial art. I've made plans to take MMA classes, now I need to follow through with them.
• #20: Learn another language. It's time I relearn French again.
• #22: Work a season of a renaissance faire. The Northern California Renaissance Faire comes back to the Bay Area in the fall.
• #31: Be in Times Square for New Years. Hey, why not do this this year?
• #37: Attend Burning Man. I'm a bit frightened by this goal but I want to go through with it. First, I need to find people to attend with me.
• #41: Achieve a healthy BMI. 2009 has to be the year to finish this goal; it's more important to me than any of the others.
• #53: Brew beer. Fun!

This is me saying pffffffffffffft to all who say to only undertake a couple goals a year!

I said before that I was going to start taking classes at a local boxing gym, to get in shape and maybe to learn Mixed Martial Arts or Brazillian Jiu Jitsu. I was supposed to start this last Monday, but every day during last week I made excuse after excuse ("7:00am is too early... It's a lot of money... What if I don't like the gym...") and I haven't gone.

Not only have I not gone, but I've seem to have made it my mission this week to both consume every treat I could get my paws on (Sees at work, eggnog at home, etc and so on) as well as completely ignore the gym the last week (mainly because I was on my last week at work and kept telling myself I had to get my hours this week).

So I could attribute these follies to just being distracted, but the root of the cause is really about fear; that I keep telling myself that soon I will be changing my life, it's not now. And I'm worried that I will always put off the "now" 'til "later". So just like this new gym membership, I'll keep telling myself I could do it later.

I have (real) excuses now... I'm leaving for San Diego on Monday to spend Christmas with my sister. But when I get back, I have to go, for the sake of my health and my future that could be put on hold as well.

It was when I reread that old Livejournal post that I became inspired to change my thinking about my life and really try to make some radical changes. I had fallen into a rut: went to school, found out that I was good at making and designing websites, took classes to support this and landed a job. I am still at that job. And why should I change my lifestyle? I'm making a fairly good salary, living in a beautiful rented house on the Bay Area peninsula, and I have a fairly good group of friends. 

Why should I change this? In short, because I am simply existing.

I'm not saying that this shouldn't be the goal of some groups of people, to get to a point of comfortable-ness and simply stay there. If I was to keep along this path, I could get married, buy a house, upgrade to a higher paying job, and have some kids. There's the next decade, all planned out. And I was certainly heading along that path.

But then I realized that I had dreamed of a different life. I, at my core, want to explore, discover, travel, be awed, and become something in this planet's history. And while my job as a web-page designer isn't something I regret --- quite the opposite; it's a job I can essentially telecommute from anywhere, provided I position myself accurately --- I'm not sure anymore whether I want to put down roots immediately.

I want to have the freedom to move to LA, take a couple acting classes, and see about trying out a couple movie jobs. Sure, this is completely illogical; I know that I can't act (yet?) and getting into the movie business is extremely hard to do. But I've always been facinated by actors, movie sets, movies as a form of storytelling, and why should I give up on that dream?

I want to have the freedom to move to London/Dublin/Loire Valley/Berlin/Bangkok/anywhere, live for a few months to experience the culture, and move on. To spend every weekend seeing something new.

I, essentially, want to have the freedom to do anything and I've found that I have already been tying myself down to a lifestyle I wasn't sure I'd be happy with. I could survive, but I'm promoted by a fear of death: I do not want to die unfulfilled. 

So while life-lists generally recommend crossing off a couple goals per year, I want to fast-track the process. I need to get myself into a position where I have a great amount of mobility and income security. And that's what I've switched myself to doing.

Lifestyle changers:

1. Lose weight. I'm not going to kid myself and say that being overweight/obese isn't costing my anything (other than my health). To be a doer and an achiever, I also need to have a better first impression to those I need to impress into helping me. Manipulating my physical appearence WILL open up more doors (as sad as that is).
2. Push myself into a successful income-generating niche. This means building a business/products that I can automate into automatic income as well as making sure my current job ends successfully. I'm working on automatic-income now, but it's slow and tough work.
3. Accept that, for things to change, I'm going to lose a LOT of security and add on a lot of fear. I am naturally a shy and withdrawn person, prone to anxiety attacks. A lot of mental preparation has to happen. 

This post is essentially a cheer-leading post for me. I can do this, I SHOULD do this, and I WILL do this. 

But for this instant, planning to go to Burning Man will do.

* My daily surfing habits tend to spiral out of control; I wasn't intentionally looking up information on Burning Man, but was inspired/reminded of it by Tim Ferriss (my lifestyle-crush object) on this post. Seriously, is there anything I want to do that he hasn't already done?

I've done miniscule progress to all my goals in the last few days, at least:

1. #9 Backpack across Europe and #26 Hike the Pacific Crest Trail: Finally bought myself a backpack from REI - the first step, right? Now I don't have any excuse (well, except my lack of hiking shoes/water bladder/tent/sleeping bag/etc augh) not to start planning some beginning weekend backpacking trips.
2. #10 Scuba dive the great barrier reef: Ignoring the whole needtobeinAustralia part of this goal, I should have plans of getting scuba certification soon. As I'm rather terrified of drowning (nevermind that I'd rather swim under water rather than above water right now), getting certification will be terrifying too fun.
3. #12 Sell a piece of art: Hey I'm drawing again! Of course, I forgot my sketchbook at work before this weekend so I can't actually finish that superdetailedfreakincactus drawing, or any others for that matter. But it's a good start.
4. #13 Become proficient in a martial art: Okay, I'm off my Aikido kick and now I'm interested in Bazilian Jiu Jitsu and there happens to be a boxing academy near me (Undisputed Boxing) near me that has classes! I'm going on Monday to see about signing up for classes (that, or Mixed Martial Arts, which also counts towards this goal).
5. #41 Achieve a healthy BMI: Oh. Hi diet, I kind of forgotten about you already (blame the beer and cupcakes and cookies that have been floating around my house lately). Monday, the diet will be back on in a vengence (I hope).

Ok, apparently I've been making a lot more baby-steps (minus the whole diet backwardsstep) than I thought. Yay, progress!